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FAQ

How do I get started?

Take a good long gander at some of the rather cluttering stuff in your home. By “stuff’, I mean anything from old paperwork; to a dusty can of chili con carne; to the nick knack your great aunt gave you after her two-week trip to Toledo in 1986. These objects oftentimes contain stifling memories/experiences/etc., within their crafty packaging. We suggest you pick an object that represents either literally, metaphorically, or symbolically the cause or perceived root of your problems or malaise. We ask that you download an SRS Object Release Form and write a description, poem, confession, or whatever suits you, to best describe why you chose the object and its significance, as well as why you’d wish to free yourself of it*.

*Obliterating your soul trash is not as easy as it sounds. There is more to the process than simply handing over a burdensome object you have been clutching onto for one reason or another… but it’s a decent start. All ridding processes are blasted off by SRS, and shortly after, must be taken to the next level by using the handy dandy tools provided to you by all sorts of inexplicable universal happenings. You have had them for a long time; now it’s finally time to put them to good use.

Ok, I think I’ll take my soul for a test ride. What do I do next?
Or
Thanks for the advice, but I’d rather dive into a school of ravenous piranhas.

As soon as you are ready to let go of your object, you can do one of three things:
1. pick up the phone and call an SRS representative at 503-805-5151, or, email us.
(If you’d like, you can say hello, if you’d rather not participate in obligatory telephone/email etiquette just get right to the point.)
-State your address or another place where your soul trash can be picked up.
2. Send your soul trash directly to our SRS headquarters: 3932 NE 8th Ave. Portland, OR 97212.
3. Drop your soul trash off at one of our depositories (locations tbd)
In order to fulfill all recovery actions, you will need to Download an SRS Object Release Form, fill it out and include it with your object(s)

Once SRS plugs your information into the database, our finest experts will begin performing recovery actions immediately.

Do I have to say who I am?
If you like, you can state your first, last, or middle name, but SRS does not require formal and/or nick names for Soul Recovery Services.

How much does it cost?
Because money is one of the leading causes of soul trash buildup, SRS is a FREE service. That’s right… FREE!
However, we do accept donations and appreciate them greatly. Your donation will help pay for web maintainance, uniforms, publicity, printing costs and depositories.

WHY?
That’s a good question!
SRS was conceived based on the lack of love in the world, a deep guttural unhappiness, materialism, carnage, animal abuse, and bland food.
SRS’s vision is to provide a service to the betterment of all fleshy mammalian brain cells and inevitably, the rest of what inhabits the plump blue earth.

What will you do with my trash?
Your trash will undergo a cleansing process from start to finish. All objects and releases (We choose to refer to these descriptions as “releases” as the terminology should reflect the restorative and healing powers of such acts.) are ceremonially disposed of, whether by fire, flood, recycling, burial, or any other appropriately suggested form of dissolve. As all reasons for object disposals are different, all release ceremonies are different. Every object given to SRS is handled tenderly and released in the best method possible. Released objects and releases are captured in photographic and video formats, and soon after, buried inside the digital landfill where the less burdened can view their once hindering objects in digital form.

Can I post my own release video on your landfill?

Letting go of emotionally harboring objects can be a deeply personal experience, therefore SRS is open to those who would like to release their own objects and is in the process of developing a second digital landfill for this purpose. In the meantime, if you’d like to submit your release, reason for release, and release video, please email us for information and guidelines.

How can I thank you enough?
All satisfied customers are encouraged to send emails directly to the SRS administrator: srs@soulrecoverysystems.com
We also appreciate handwritten notes, chocolate bunnies, and flowers, which can be sent to SRS headquarters:
3932 NE 8th Ave. Portland, OR 97212.